Tomorrow is my birthday
I can’t believe I’m turning 20 tomorrow!!! I honestly don’t know how to feel about it! Like I’m 20 already?!?! What when did this happen?! I’m sure I’m not the only one who either feels like this or has ever felt like this. Turning 20 totally removes the security blanket I’ve totally grown comfortable snuggling under. Adulthood is slowly creeping around the corner and expectations of me will be had. I mean, growing up has it’s definite perks- independence being one of the most important. But there’s something quite sad about closing a chapter in your life. I’ll no longer carry the label of “teenager” with me. I never thought I’d be one of those people who’d feel reluctant about losing the “-teen” in my age, but it makes me reflect on what was the most “free” time of my life. The virtue of being young and it being an excuse is lovely, and something I’ll always miss. I guess what kills me is knowing that I don’t have control over the future. Heading into my 20s, life is much more unpredictable. I can see myself graduating college, but from there, so much is up in the air, and I’m realizing that I know little of what the next ten years will hold. I love to know what I’m doing next or how things are going to work out and I don’t. It’s a totally new time in my life.
Being who I am, I’m ultimately going to own being 20. I’m going to make sure that whatever I’m doing it, I’m the best at it. That’s not something I can help being me. I will wear 20 proudly and I will be young and live life and just do what makes me happy. What I’ve realized that the older I get (haha I talk as if I’m 45) is that happiness is what matters most. Titles, status and stuff is all bullshit. What matters is that you can say you lived a life that gave you memories you can be happy about. Things you can say you’d do again and again and again. I’m going to make sure I work hard to achieve my dreams, but that I never forget to stop and enjoy the little things. I never want to take a cool summer’s day breeze or a silly joke, or a beautiful clear blue sky for granted. Most importantly I’m going to aim to have balance and to always be sure to make time for myself, my passions and the loved ones I’m so lucky to have.
20 is great, it’s the start of a beautiful life directed by me and only me. So, in essence, I’m gaining a lot more than I’m losing by ditching teenagedom. So 20, here I come. I just hope you’re ready for me!
I don’t know why I only have 1 candle on my cake, it wasn’t my first birthday!! I turned 1 on first photo :)